Meeting the Parents: A Survival Guide

So I met Marcus’s parents tonight. His mom Patty literally hugged me before I could even introduce myself properly, which honestly was sweet but also terrifying because what if she hated me after the hug? Then she immediately pulled out this photo album of Marcus as a baby and I’m trying to act normal while looking at pictures of my boyfriend in a diaper. Marcus was dying.

Meeting the Parents: A Survival Guide

His dad Ted? Different story. The man said maybe three sentences the entire evening. I kept trying to make conversation and he’d just nod and look at me with these accountant eyes like he was calculating my tax liability or something. I have never felt so thoroughly evaluated in my life.

Patty kept apologizing for Ted being “shy” but I think that’s mom-speak for “he’s deciding if you’re good enough for his son.” The jury’s still out on his verdict. Marcus says he liked me because he didn’t ask me to leave, which is apparently Ted’s version of a warm welcome.

I survived though. And Patty invited me to Easter dinner, so either she really likes me or she’s planning my slow destruction via family gatherings. Time will tell.