The 3 AM Guilt

There’s something about 3 AM coffee that makes everything feel heavier.

The 3 AM Guilt

I’m getting ready for another night shift, and Sophie’s been asleep for hours. She’ll wake up, eat breakfast, play, nap, and I’ll still be at the hospital. By the time I get home tomorrow morning, I’ll be too tired to be the mom she deserves.

I became a pediatric nurse because I love kids. The irony isn’t lost on me that I miss mine to take care of everyone else’s.

Checking the time before another 12-hour shift

Tonight I’ll hold other people’s babies, comfort scared toddlers, and celebrate when they get better. And I’ll think about Sophie the entire time.

Calculating how many hours until I see her again

Marcus tries to help with the guilt, but he doesn’t get it. When he leaves for work, Sophie waves goodbye. When I leave, she’s already dreaming.

Sophie’s artwork reminds me why I do this

Her artwork on the fridge reminds me why I do this - so she can be proud of her mama who helps kids feel better. But some mornings, watching her sleep when I get home, I wonder if she’d rather just have me here.

The coffee’s gone cold. Time to go save other people’s babies and miss my own.