Houston, We Have a Problem (And It Clicks)

It started innocently enough. Marcus mentioned his work keyboard was ‘mushy’ and maybe he should get something better. I said sure, honey, treat yourself. That was my first mistake.

Houston, We Have a Problem (And It Clicks)

Fast forward three months and I’m living with a man who can identify switch types BY SOUND. He has opinions about spring weights. He spends his evenings watching YouTube videos about something called ‘the thock factor.’ Last night I found him in his office at midnight with a tiny brush, lovingly lubricating individual switches like he was performing surgery.

The evidence

This is what his desk looks like now. Those are four different keyboards, people. FOUR. He tried to explain the differences to me over dinner and used phrases like ‘tactile bump’ and ‘actuation force’ with complete sincerity. Sophie asked if Dad was having a midlife crisis and honestly, I’m not sure this isn’t exactly that.

The clicking is constant. I can hear him typing from downstairs and it sounds like a very productive woodpecker. Biscuit has learned to leave the room when Marcus starts ‘testing’ keyboards. Even the dog knows this has gone too far. Send help. Or earplugs. Preferably both.